The Philippine Online Chronicles

Nation, while the presidential elections are in full swing, everyone has neglected to regard the great sacrifice our beloved President has made, in running for Congress: like Jesus Christ, our beloved President is still willing to serve the people of this nation, and for that, why even bother to have elections? Let us have her as our esteemed leader, now and forever! Even the late  Press Secretary seems to agree from beyond the grave.

But that is a mere digression to what is inevitable. In the meantime, we turn our attention to the very heated presidential battle, as one of the top candidates, Senator Manny Villar, while in absentia, is embroiled in a bitter battle in the Senate over the C5 insertion controversy. With senators trading barbs with each other throughout sessions, esteemed Senator and fellow presidentiable Jamby Madrigal called Senator Villar’s allies his “choo-choo train.” Most of Villar’s allies have naturally taken umbrage to this.

Let this not be a ringing endorsement of Manny Villar, but I believe that in my gut, he is innocent of these accusations. After all, can you think of a single person more credible as a character witness than Dolphy himself? Is he not the King of Comedy, after all? Knowing that he is innocent, he is certainly someone who should not be impeded by these meaningless controversies, and instead focus his attention on winning the presidency, assuming GMA will let him, of course. That his closest rival, Noynoy Aquino, can actually rap, is quite alarming to his popularity. Nevertheless, Villar’s heart-rending political ballad easily trumps any dope rhymes Noynoy could possibly drop.

Now that we have handily shown you through mere intuition how innocent Villar is, let’s compare him to another person whom I also believe is innocent: none other than one Jason Ivler himself. Jason Ivler, the nephew of world-renowned musician Freddie Aguilar, appears to be epitomizing the song “Anak” with his actions as of late, throwing his mother, Marlene Aguilar, into a frenzy. His mother completely believes in his innocence, although her credibility leaves a lot to be desired because even I would raise an eyebrow over her declarations that her time in jail with Ampatuan has told her that he is  “a kind man.”

Then again, what cannot be denied here is the ceaseless love Marlene has demonstrated for her son, akin to the unfailing loyalty Villar’s allies have likewise demonstrated, to the point that even Solita Monsod herself has unequivocally stated that Villar is blameless. I may have gotten a punctuation mark or two wrong there, but I’m sure it makes no difference. Villar has a choo-choo train. Ivler’s mom is loco. Either way, that they have people willing to fight tooth and nail to decry their innocence does a lot of good to warm the heart of a patriotic Filipino such as myself.

It also especially tickles me pink to see that presenting evidence of their innocence has taken a backseat in favour of just shouting out from the rooftops that they are innocent in hopes that saying it often enough would make it true. In an era of truthiness, they are our shining paragons to look up to.

If you believe that Villar is innocent thanks to the loyalty of his allies, then you must also believe that Jason Ivler is innocent thanks to the loyalty of his mother. You cannot accept one and dismiss the other. Thankfully, I have accepted both.

Nation, have you accepted both yet?

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The views presented in this article are not necessarily shared by those of the POC, Stephen Colbert, or even the author himself.)

Photo by POC c/o Flickr. Some rights reserved.