Flip Flops at the Waterwall - Mario

Single, by choice

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Wednesday, 22 April 2015 - Last Updated on April 22, 2015
Flip Flops at the Waterwall - Mario

Snuff Buff - Geir TonnesenWhen people talk about being single, there is usually a mix of loneliness, bitterness, and a bit of despair, as many people think of being single as an unnatural situation. People, after all, are meant to pair up as couples (or more, if so inclined). Living alone seems to be an untenable thing, and single people are usually suspected of having issues and problems that prevent them from being in a relationship.

However, a person can be single by choice, and be very much happy, at peace, or both (there is a difference).

Here are some ways that being single can be a good life choice, be it temporary or permanently.

Avoiding serial monogamy
For some people, being single by choice actually opts them out of being in a relationship again and again. Be it because of circumstances like work, personal issues that have to be resolved, or simply the fact that a person isn’t sure of what he or she wants in a life partner yet, serial monogamy (cycling through relationships repeatedly) can be damaging.

Reputation-wise, being a serial monogamist can be a big negative, as it makes a person appear to be selfish, or somehow “broken” enough that no relationship lasts. While the idea of a person being “broken” may be arguable, there is something to the fact that a person cannot seem to keep to one relationship for a considerable amount of time.

The Singlehood Solution
What may be happening is that you are being caught in a relationship rat race, where your past failure spurs you on to be successful in the next one. Unfortunately, without proper perspective or reflection, you can end up making the same mistakes over and over, or, worse, come up with new mistakes for every failed relationship.

Detach yourself from romantic relationships for a given amount of time. Make it a few months, and in those few months, plan a long trip, or learn a new hobby. Do something new. You can also choose to simply reconnect with yourself, and enjoy yourself with your friends and family. If romantic options suddenly come up, be honest and tell them you’re on “hiatus”. If it’s meant to be, they will be around when you feel you’re ready to take the plunge.

Knowing that you simply are not ready
Some people may have this fear that they aren’t ready for a relationship, and this may be preventing them from getting into one. However, this can also trigger a choice to be single, rather than being one out of fear.

It’s not as strange as it sounds. As far as motivation goes, fear becomes dull rather quickly. While some people will simply throw caution to the wind, others will end up being somewhat more logical, and embrace the essence of their being single – which means that they want to be a better person before they can be with anyone.

The Singlehood Solution
When you’re dealing with the idea that you may not yet be primed for a relationship, you have to think objectively. You have to ask yourself why you’re not qualified, and identify what you need to do before you will even consider a relationship.

For some, it can be about having financial stability, and for others it can be about emotional issues that they have to work through, so they won’t end up coloring the relationship with those issues. There are even some people for whom it could be as simple as “they’re not feeling it” – that is, having a relationship. Whatever the case may be, if you can honestly say that you’re not ready, that going into a relationship at a specific time will only be a heartache for you and the other person, then it’s probably a good idea to be single by choice.

Blessedly Single
Some people are, quite simply, happy (or happier) being single. They have no issues. In fact, they can and do form deep bonds of friendship with other people, and they have stable lives and sources of income. There is nothing inherently wrong with their lives and their backgrounds, and yet they are perfectly content being single.

For people in this kind of situation, you can divide them into two general groups. The first kind are those who have, for want of a better term, become jaded with relationships. These people have gone through either many relationships, or one or two intense ones that have left them with the realization that they can be perfectly happy living as a single person (though not necessarily alone).

The second kind of happily-single person is the one who has no interest in relationships at all. It’s not that they are sexless or genderless, it’s simply that they have a particular psychological and emotional build that allows them to be happy without relationships. This does not mean that they are uninterested in flings or affairs, though. It simply means that while they may be willing participants in fun and games, they find no need to be in a committed romantic relationship with another person. For these people, a relationship simply isn’t in the cards – or, at the most positive, they aren’t looking for it at all, but don’t mind if it happens, either. It’s just that their default mode is to be single.

The Singlehood Solution
For people who are blessedly single, there is no problem that being single solves. To put it bluntly, they are perfectly at ease and content as themselves, without any need for a relationship that can strengthen and enrich their lives. This isn’t to say that they won’t find someone to love, it simply means that they don’t feel anything about it either way.

Many blessedly single people are, of course, seen as the craziest type of people who are single by choice. The funny part is, they probably have the least amount of problems about being single (if any), and they probably aren’t using being single as a state of self-improvement or mental rest.

Single is… being singleFlip Flops at the Waterwall - Mario
It is no doubt a good idea to remain single for some time in between relationships, but the idea of remaining single by choice means that one extends this period beyond the time that one’s own culture and personality dictates that it’s enough to prevent romantic rebounds.

Whatever the case may be, the best way to approach being single by choice is to think of why you feel the need to be single. It’s not the reasoning that counts, but the feelings behind it. After all, being single for a particular amount of time may be the best thing to happen to you.

Photos, c/o Flickr.com:
“Snuff Buff,” Gaer Tonnesen
“Flip Flops,” Mario

Richard Leo Ramos (73 Posts)

Richard Leo Ramos is a writer, editor, and pop culture enthusiast. When not working, he is a bass guitarist of the metal band Cog. He is also the founding "bar owner" of an online hangout for mecha anime enthusiasts in Facebook, known as Mecha Toys.


About Richard Leo Ramos

Richard Leo Ramos is a writer, editor, and pop culture enthusiast. When not working, he is a bass guitarist of the metal band Cog. He is also the founding "bar owner" of an online hangout for mecha anime enthusiasts in Facebook, known as Mecha Toys.

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