The Philippine Online Chronicles

As The Countdown To Stepdown draws nearer with only 121 days to go as of this writing, many people have been writing articles about their favourite candidates. Some explain why they support Noynoy. Others explain why they’re in favour of Manny Villar. Still others write about Nick Perlas or Spike Pamatong. Amid all this hubbub, nobody has ever bothered to ask yours truly who he is supporting for 2010.

Nation, I give my seal of approval to Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA) as your president for 2010, now and forever.

Now, before you scoff at the idea, you need to answer a very simple question: is Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo a great president, or is she the greatest president of all time? If you believe in the former, I understand your hesitation to support extending her term beyond 2010 (Let’s pretend you actually had a say in this matter. Which you don’t.). But you see, if you are a patriotic Filipino such as myself, then you know she is the best person to lead this nation to greatness once again.

You might insist on citing various surveys that say people don’t trust her or don’t approve of her, but consider the following graph:

This graph represents exactly what Filipinos think of our president.

This graph shows us that indeed, surveys are meaningless. After all, it only represents what the people think, and what bearing does that have on whether or not GMA should continue to lead this country? Why would the facts and numbers get in the way of what our gut tells us? In the words of the great Qui-Gon Jin: feel. Don’t think. Any patriotic Filipino worth his salt will understand why I believe deep down within me that there is nobody more appropriate for the job than GMA herself.

To prove this, allow me to compare her, point by agonizing point, to each of the other presidential candidates of note:

1. Many supporters of Noynoy have pointed to the fact that unlike most other presidentiables, he does not visibly crave the power that comes with the presidency.

GMA is running for Congresswoman this year. How much more can she show that she doesn’t want to be president when she’s actually seeking office elsewhere?

Historically, we do know that our beloved president has always been reluctant to be in power. It’s not like Gloria conveniently timed Edsa Dos just so she can actually be still eligible to run for president when her term was up, right? In fact, did she not promise not to run way back in 2004, and only divine intervention prevented her from making that mistake? Truly, she is someone who doesn’t want power in any shape or form!

In fact, she disliked power so much, she even talked about it with Garci on the phone, didn’t she?

2. Manny Villar’s backers believe that he has a solid platform to combat poverty, which, according to many statistics, is surprisingly the leading cause of poor people in the country.

If there is any living solution to poverty alleviation, then the dear president has it. If not her, then her son, Mikey Arroyo, would. When normally, getting married would cost you an arm and a leg, Mikey actually got significantly richer. If we figured out exactly how these logistics work, I’m sure poverty alleviation would never be an issue for this country.

Furthermore, GMA is well-known for having created a 7-Billion Peso Industry thanks to the BPO sector. Never mind their woes with AIDS (Giving them the derogatory title of call [center] boys and call [center] girls.) and priests who wisely want to meddle with what people do in their bedroom than to the country. It doesn’t matter if working in the call center industry greatly invalidates your four years in Economics, HRM, or Management Engineering: you’re raking in the money! Onwards to first world status!

Poverty alleviation is in fact one of our beloved president’s strongest suits. Senator Villar can’t hold a candle to her on this one.

3. Gibo Teodoro is brilliant and capable to lead our country.

Be that as it may, GMA is more brilliant. Didn’t she pick him, after all? And given how her own vice-presidential bet is decrying a lack of support, isn’t this a stroke of genius on her part to handpick leaders who may be good, but will make you long for her even more?

3. Erap’s supporters cite his experience in leadership as an edge over the field.

Is this even an advantage? Who’s more experienced: a president who never finished his term, or a president who finished one and a half terms? Nation, don’t be fooled by Erap’s battlecry. Only Ferdinand Marcos has ever had more experience leading this country than our beloved president. Too bad he’s dead.

4. Eddie Villanueva’s allies believe he is a very spiritual man, and we need moral ascendancy in order to uplift our nation.

Nation, look at these pictures. Can anyone manifest more spirituality from measly photographs? Why, she absolutely reeks of holiness!

Image taken from diazvaughn.ipower.com. If you are the original owner of this image, please reach us so you can be given due credit.

Image taken from papalbusters.blogspot.com. If you are the original owner of this image, please reach us so you can be given due credit.

5. Dick Gordon has gotten things done. Just look at Subic now.

Our president has gotten a lot of things done, too!

6. Jamby Madrigal is manlier than anyone else running for president this year.

Nation, I have to concede this point to Senator Madrigal. President Arroyo is still human and not perfect, after all.

7. Nick Perlas cares about the environment.

Too bad nobody cares about Nick Perlas.

He barely even fits our “presidential candidates of note” qualifier.

Ultimately, with a stellar legacy under her belt and the fact that few of us realize we don’t really have a say on this matter, our beloved president deserves to stay in power for as long as she needs to bring us to first world status in 2020. Or sooner. Or later. Either way, let her stay on.

In fact, with conspiracy theories running around that she may not be president but prime minister instead, has anyone considered the possibility of having a monarchy instead? She would make a splendid Queen. Queen Gloria has a nice ring to it, although I find it difficult to call her “your Highness”.

Nation, that is why I believe in Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

You should, too.

Marcelle Fabie on thePOC or Blogwatch is not to be confused with Marcelle Fabie anywhere else. The Marcelle Fabie of thePOC is a self-proclaimed patriotic Filipino, an administration sycophant, has no regard for the facts, and only believes in his gut and the power of truthiness. He is the lovechild of Stephen Colbert and Chip Tsao.

The real Marcelle Fabie is a professional mentalist, an online advertiser, a stand-up comedian, an ethicist, a satirist, a regular guest radio personality on 99.5 RT, and deems himself to be a liberal moderate. As far as political allegiances go, he is an egalitarian: he hates everyone equally. He blogs on mistervader.com.

Photo: “gloria macapagal arroyo” by Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

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